Screw you boards for making me feel like this. Nightmares are capturing my mind and it’s so hard to think right at this moment. Even though I won’t possibly fail, every moment I’m feeling like it.
5 days to boards and I’ve never felt this pressurized and doubtful of myself regarding academics.
This is just a rant to help me
feel better. Okay? Don’t judge my mentality or my pessimist ways right now readers. Better idea. Ignore this if possible. Thankyou.
Cut. Scribble. Cut. Cut . Cut.
It was past midnight and I wasn’t sleepy at all. Surprising? Not to me for I’ve been awake from the past 5 days. It’s a scary little thought if you let open your wild imagination,but not to me.
This is my routine, my thing now. Something which I deeply hate yet end up doing involuntarily.
For now, I’m the puppet of stress and the time, my ultimate master. I’m binded and blinded by the stress which slowly makes its way and prepares a warm cocoon for itself in my head. I’m running but not waiting to breathe again.
I’m alive but yet, dead.
It’s been a year already and I feel it’s wonderful end. The abrupt end that’s going to finally set me free. I can’t wait to see those happy and fresh faces again, the ones that could light up anyone’s day.
But for now I see morse and wrinkled eyes, wrinkled with the fear of not being the best. They’re alive just like me but have lost their spark somewhere on the way, just like me.
Thud. Boom. Thud. Thud. Thud.
My fists are kissing the walls, leaving hickeys in between the thin skin. My eye lids are begging to touch each other again, lovers that I’ve set apart, redness of hurt and pain filling my once peaceful whites.
I’m alive, but my body aches like death. But I won’t let it go to the addictive grave that I fondly remember.
Smiles. Giggles. Smiles. Smiles. Smiles.
I am here now, feeling a little better, healing a little more from the horrid pasts of depression, finally stepping in my own shoes and my happy skin.
I’m alive just like my peers, and now, we’re all breathing to live again.