We all commit. Some to their feelings, while others to their dreams. But there are many who are fighting within themselves, unable to cope up with this world and live by its rules; the sole reason being their unique gait misunderstood by people. They are the ones who never even cared about. But what about all those mistakes? What about your insecurity that you’re unable to handle? No one can control that except you yourself, and if you can’t, well, then your last resort is addiction.
Addiction to a certain kind of sadness which can only be “relieved” by drug and alcohol.
From the life of a peculiar teenager who is unable to cope up from a particular sadness and pressure bestowed upon by this big,bad world. Bullying being one of the reasons of that teenager’s stress.
It was dark outside and I liked it that way.
My room was a complete mess and so was my head right now. No. I was not at all sad, just high from all the drugs and alcohol running through my veins. I felt good; a feeling of ecstasy running deep within me.
But don’t judge me. It’s not my fault. I know what you’re thinking but yes, I’m not what you think I am. I never was like this.
Let me tell you my story. The story of how an innocent “nerd” like me became a “typical useless” addict.
Did you ever come across a girl in your school who walked all alone through the corridors, holding huge stacks of books that couldn’t even make out her face? Did you ever come across that “geeky” boy with huge round spectacles and gap in between his teeth reading a book thicker than your videogame’s CD collection?
Ever noticed your “weird” neighbour who looks and acts so strange that you find him or her so creepy, as if that innocent person is going to kill you in your sleep? The one who never attends your big fancy parties, the one who cares about scoring amazing academic results rather than scoring pretty looking girls or likes and follows on social media?
Yes. That “weird”, “creepy”, “ghost-like”, “nerd” and what not is me. I’m that person on whom you can never crush on or take out to a date. I’m the one who gets bullied and ragged in darkest and deepest left out places even though I was just minding my own business. I’m the one whom you remember only when you either have tests and exams to write or notes and submissions to complete. Yes, I’m that helpless little fellow who lies under the shadows of this unforgiving and fake world.
I never even thought that it would be this way. I never thought that your words and actions would hurt me so much that I would take such drastic steps. I never thought that I would lower my self-esteem and make an addict. A pathetic addict.
Today, I’m addicted to this sadness and helplessness only because of your deeds. And what are you doing? Nothing. Simply nothing whereas I’m here struggling and fighting battles only to survive and do some productive. You and I, we both know that this wasn’t supposed to be this way and now I have wasted my life behind the alluring drugs and alcohol only because I suffer from inferiority complex. You made me this way, you made me take all these little dangerous step that has destroyed me and shattered me into pieces. And you know what I did? Even I let my guard down only to become a useless piece of nothing.
My advice for people who get bullied everyday or who think less of themselves is that don’t do things that will harm either you or anyone else around you. Facing problems is just a phase and it will soon pass away. But what you need to know is that you can always confide in your problems. If not to an another person then maybe through pictures or writings. Just don’t keep it to yourself and make things complicated. Sometimes, people do care.
Sorry for radiating negative vibes through my posts. I’ll start writing happy things soon. Till then, bear with my mirror of the ugly truth, the ruthless reality.
P.S: Let me again remind you that none of my posts are related to my life neither am I sad or depressed as many people claim me to be. These stuffs just pop in my head randomly.