All of us have someone in our life with whom we’ve dreamt a thousand dreams. Dreams, that sometimes come true and sometimes are just left halfway. Separation in any form is what we humans cannot take. And the pangs of separation are best understood by lovers. Lovers, of all kinds.
I was lying peacefully on the grass, fresh dewdrops on them kissing the back of my body lovingly. I had my gaze fixed on the limitless sky which appeared cloudy. Or maybe at least that’s the best I could describe the sky above me, sheltering my soul. It was about to rain and I had nowhere to go so I kept resting. I think I did have work to do but today I decided to skip everything and just be by myself. This was the first time I was going to experience rain peacefully after many years. All these years I had curriculum to chase, portions of books to complete; basically just rush from one place to another like a robot. This was the first time in these years that I had dared to cancel out everything and enjoy being free. It did feel good after all. My head devoid of all that pain and stress, finally felt so light. It felt like something that only my face and body could express. Something that words can never justify.
As the first drop fell softly on my cheeks, I felt detoxicated. I felt fresh. That one raindrop made me realise that what a big fool I was to not wait a moment to enjoy the rains all these years. What a fool I was to not cherish those heavenly moments with someone I could share my mind with.
That very thought took me back to her. The one whom I tried to forget about all these years. It’s like her memories were waiting in my head all this time to pop out when finally I had learnt not to think about her.
She ditched me and I couldn’t by any chance be any more hurt than that. NO. She did not leave me and go to someone more better than me. Neither did she stop loving me all of a sudden and went to pursue her future as a rebound of my love. Her body just went cold. All of a sudden. Neither of us saw this coming because all of us were busy living happily with each other.
That fateful night we were talking on the phone making plans for the next day. It was her birthday and all of us including her family had decided to surprise her since lately she had been quite depressed and no one could see her like that. So the plan was that I would take her shopping and then in the evening we would all gather near her favourite spot where the party was supposed to take place. She insisted on not going and it was me who had forced her to come along as I could no longer see her this detached. She said that she felt tired and wrong.
I should have understood what had she actually meant instead of neglecting her behaviour. If it wasn’t for me she would’ve have been alive, and smiling. I did this to her even though no one ever admitted it. If only I could do something.
But now all I have are regrets and nothing else. And this rain only makes me crave her presence. A strong wish to just be with her up there; away from everyone in our own little world floating happily through the golden skies and colourful bands of clouds. If only I could tell her one last time how much I loved her and there’s no one above her who holds a place so intense in my heart. Only if I could say goodbye to her one last time. And probably she knows that, worried about how miserable I am without her kissing me softly and assuring that everything is going to be alright. She does know that and one day when I close my eyes, I will be with her for sure. After all, we did promise a forever.